Steven's Mama

The sounds of a baby's laughter filled the small beach house, occasionally accompanied by the giggles of a woman.

"Up we go!" Pearl said as she hoisted the toddler Steven into the air, producing another peal of wild laughter from the round little boy. There was just something so uplifting about the sound of undiluted joy a child made, it wasn't musical or harmonious by any sense of the words but it filled her with happiness nonetheless.

"Aga! Aga!" Little Steven cried, kicking his legs and waving his arms manically.

"Again? Well, all right. Here. We. GO!" Pearl cried as she lifted Steven high into the air while also performing a pirouette, spinning the both of them across the floor. Steven's smile lit up the room as he screamed with delight and Pearl couldn't hold back a laugh. She pulled the little hybrid into a hug, resting her cheek against his bushy sprout of black hair.

Steven cooed and babbled in her embrace, his little arms wrapping around her neck. For a moment she mistook his body's rather involuntary movement for a genuine sign of affection and she had to fight back the misting that suddenly came to her eyes. She wiped the dampness away as she sank onto the couch, sighing as an abrupt wave of fatigue came over her.

"Oh Steven, what are we going to do with you? I swear if Amethyst hadn't figured out how to make you happy I think we'd have all gone crazy by now. I've read countless books on child rearing and I still don't know how humans do it. I don't need to eat or sleep and I can barely keep up with you."

Steven stared up at her from her lap with the wide eyed innocent gaze that she had discovered only a baby could pull off before reaching up towards her with his pudgy little fingers.

"Ma… ma…"

"Wh-what was th-that?" Pearl asked hesitantly, her voice wavering as her cheerful expression skewed.

"Mama!" Steven cried out again, his face bunching up happily.

She clutched him to her chest as she raised her gaze skywards, hoping he hadn't seen her face turn into a mask of misery. The tears flowed freely this time and it was all she could do not to sob. She tried to put on a calmer face, she had learned very quickly that Steven, while still developing as far as humans were concerned, was extremely perceptive to the mood of others.

"No Steven, I'm not your mother. I'm Pearl, Rose is… was… your mother. Rose Quartz, can you say Rose?" she asked as she leaned her face down to his.

Steven reached up with one hand and grabbed the tip of her nose, his little hand squeezing with incredible strength.

"Mama!" he said again before shoving his other hand in his mouth and gnawing on it.

It was too much, Pearl wanted to run as far and as fast as she could but with the other Gems away on a mission she couldn't leave little Steven unattended. For a moment she considered seeking out Greg but immediately shot the idea down, the human might love his son but he could barely take care of himself. She shut her eyes tightly as she took a deep, calming breath, pushing her sorrow deep down inside of herself before rising to her feet. She carried Steven up to an open landing, they were planning on converting it into a bedroom for the Steven once he was older but for now Pearl had been using it as a small studio, the lighting from the large windows made it perfect for the project she was working on.

"Look Steven, this is Rose, your mama," she said as she turned him to face the easel. Together they looked at a half finished painting depicting a woman in a state of reflective repose. She exuded tranquility in a simple gown with what seemed to be an ocean of curly hair the same color as her name.

"She was undeniably the best of us, we all looked up to her. She saw things in ways we couldn't," she told Steven, wistfully staring at the painting as she relived happier days. Slowly her smile sank as other thoughts bubbled to the surface, "But the more I think about it I feel that she kept things from us. There were certainly things she never explained to us but we trusted her so completely we never thought to ask. Now she's gone and we try to carry on; Garnet is trying to fill her shoes as leader and she's doing a good job, finding us missions and dealing with threats to Earth but there are some things Rose was trying to do that we just can't…"

Pearl trailed off as her thoughts turned melancholy and tears once more began to fall. Rose's absence often felt like an oppressive weight threatening to crush her and some days Steven helped abate that feeling, serving as a reminder that some part of Rose was still with them, and on others the mere sight of him made it almost unbearable. Pearl's cheeks burned with shame as she fell to her knees with her eyes shut, the fact that she sometimes resented the sweet child in her arms was the worst sin she had ever committed in her long, long life.

"I'm sorry Rose, I wish I could be a better person, for you, for the others, for Steven," she said softly, making to give Steven a reassuring hug only to find her arms empty. Her eyes shot open to find Steven had crawled free of her listless arms and made his way towards the edge of the landing, somehow managing to drag the easel with him.

"Steven!" Pearl cried as she leapt into action with automatic precision, springing from her spot on the floor to the edge of the landing, knocking the easel away with a sweep of her arm. The painting flew into the air from her blow and with that same hand she grabbed the edge of the landing, flipping herself as her other hand scooped up Steven just as he began to fall over the side. She clutched little Steven to her chest and finished her flip, landing with grace and poise, her free hand extending with a flourish to catch the
painting before it crashed to the floor.

She looked to Steven to double check that he was okay and found him brimming with joy.

"Aga! Mama! Aga!"

His exuberance in the face of danger brought a smile to her lips and she touched her forehead to his, tickling his chin with her nose at the same time. In that moment clarity struck Pearl like a bolt of lightning and her eyes slid towards the half finished painting of Rose, tears again falling down her face but no longer sprung from sorrow.

"Rose loved you very much Steven and I think if she could have she would have stayed to be with you and Greg and the rest of us. Something tells me though, she knew she couldn't stay but it was okay because she was leaving you with all of us. So I promise to do my best to teach you all about Rose and what it means to be a Crystal Gem and you, you can help me be someone Rose would be proud of. What do you say?"

The little boy was strangely quiet as he stared up at Pearl and if she allowed herself she could imagine there seeming to be a glimmer of understanding in his dark eyes. His hands reached towards her and she set the painting down to let him grasp her index finger. She blinked in surprise as he gave her finger several quick shakes up and down and then Steven was much more his little self as he shoved her finger in his mouth and gummed the tip. She smirked as he gnawed and babbled around her finger.

"Ma… ma… pe… rah."

"That's right little man, I'm Mama Pearl," she said, wiping away the remnants of her tears as she began rocking him gently.